Taste the Rainbow......

I'm such a shop rat. Actually, all my friends are shop rats meaning all we ever do is talk about our jobs when we are together. We talk about what's going on at work, clients stories, weird co-workers and shit you just wouldn't believe.  One of my friends actually works in a place that's as interesting as mine but she's all sensitive and shit about her clients and won't ever tell us what happens at her work.  What a pussy.  Anyway, it's inevitable that when I talk about what I see on a daily basis everyone says, "You should write a book!" and I just smile to myself because a blog is about all I can handle.

Last week this chick comes into my office.  (Disclaimer:  I try not to use real names on here but sometimes only the real names will do.  This story does not contain real names but it's pretty damn close and important to the story so I'll throw caution to the wind this time.)  Okay, so this lady comes in to my office and honestly, I don't even remember why she needed my help.  I go through a process where I gather personal information about everyone in the household (names, dates of birth, social security numbers, etc.) and I get to the part where I ask about any children in the house.  She tells me she has five children.  Her name was Ms. Brown (again not exactly her name but close and you'll see why).  I get her information and then I start...

DPS: Okay Ms. Brown, starting with your oldest child, that lives with you (I have to specify this or they will give me the names of their adult married children), can you please give me the first and last name of that child?
Mrs. Brown: Ivory Brown.
DPS: Okay, Ivory. Is that I-V-O-R-Y?
Mrs. Brown: No. It's A-I-V-E-R-Y.
DPS:  Okay.  A-I-V-E-R-Y.  Who's after Aivery?
Mrs. Brown:  Ebony Brown.  E-B-O-N-E-I-G-H.
DPS: Okay. Who's after Ebony? (I refuse to spell names the stupid way!)
Mrs. Brown:  Hunter Green.
DPS:  I beg your pardon?
Mrs. Brown:  Hunter Green.  Hunter has a different daddy than Ivory and Ebony.  His name is Hunter Green. 
DPS: Okay. Who is after Hunter?
Mrs. Brown:  Redford White.  But it's spelled W-H-Y-T-E.
(I'm fucking dying at this point, but plodding ahead, almost afraid to ask about the next child)
DPS:  Thanks for clarifying that. Who is after Red....ford?
Mrs. Brown:  Sienna Black.  She's the last one.

Thank Sweet Baby Jesus that was the last one.  I honestly couldn't contain myself. It's rare that I comment on names but I couldn't keep this in.  I said, "Well, you certainly have some colorfully named children there!" and she said, "Yeah, I know how it sounds with all the colors but I started with the first and it just happened with the second one so I kept going from there. Some of my friends call us the Skittles family because we have enough colors to make a rainbow. And you know what? Our dog's name is Blue and the cat is named Midnight.  We just really like our unique names!"

I had to bite my tongue because I was dangerously close to whispering :::taste the rainbow::: while she was sitting in front of me.

-Dedicated Public Servant

P.S. Shout out to my homies at ML (You know who you are!) I had a really fucked up day yesterday and they were there for me and I really appreciate it.