I hear voice mail greetings all day long every day because I'd guess that about 90% of my clients NEVER ANSWER their phone when I call them back. It's really frustrating because then I end up in a never ending game of phone tag.
I call someone and leave a message. I don't even hang up my handset, I just move on to the next caller. In the mean time, I have customers calling me back and complaining that my line is busy or that the call goes to voice mail. This could all be avoided if they answered their phones in the first place, but that's another story.
Sometimes I'm entertained by voice mail greetings. Sometimes I'm perplexed by them. Sometimes I'm completely taken aghast by them.
Example:
"UHHHH! This is Sam, just leave a message on this phone because this mothafuckin cell phone don't even ring. I don't know what's up with this mothafucka but just leave a message and I hit you back. SHIT!"
Needless to say, I did not leave a mothafuckin message on his voice mail. I actually did end up meeting with this individual and part of his problem, he said, was his inability to secure employment. I asked him if he was leaving his cell phone number on job applications and he said yes and I explained to him that potential employers don't want to hear the word "motherfucker" when they leave a message. The client said, "Well, if they don't want to hire me just for that reason, then I guess I really don't want to work for someone like that."
Not everyone is such a negative Nancy, however. There's always a few ladies who like to tell me how fabulous they are and how they are out living their lives and doing their thing and for a second I think, "Well, what a nice positive message!" and then they say, "So leave me a message and I'll call you back if I feel like it!" I'm such a chump. I always leave messages. I really hope they do feel like calling back but they don't always call back. Bummer.
Even if they don't call me back (since they didn't feel like it), or if they are spewing obscenities, I think I'll still take that over the dreaded recorded music intro the the voice mail greeting.
Recorded music intros to voice mail greetings makes me want to kick puppies. When I first started this job, I would sit there and listen and wait until the beep so I could leave a message. Then I started listening to the music. Big mistake. I've heard it all: Gospel, Country, Hard core gangsta rap and toddlers saying how their mommy can't take the call right now because blah blah blah.
Repeat after me everyone: Hi. This is Jane/Joe, I can't take your call right now. Please leave a message. Thanks.
That's it. That's all you have to say. You don't have to read bible scripture. You don't have to tell me that you're probably sleeping or shopping. Please don't shout HOLLA at the end of your greeting. Please don't say the eff word in your greeting either.
Follow those little rules and the employment offers will just start rolling in.
HOLLA!!!
-Dedicated Public Servant
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